This blog is in the category “Thoughts” because here my thoughts go directly from my head to paper without checking for coherence or hypocrisy. It’s meant to be a raw place for my thoughts.

The following is a growing list of some thoughts I have under the influence of drugs (namely weed) and/or alcohol. It’s a list in no particular order and the items are mostly written off the cuff. The bolded items are bolded when I’m sober. 

*Note: I am not addicted to any substance, I tend to use drugs and alcohol sparingly 

  • I care about my image
  • I can be indecisive
  • I’m good at turning back while I’m already walking. Most aren’t becuase it means you made a mistake.
  • I like helping people
  • I’m good at hiding my pain. I’ve become blind to it myself since I’ve done it so much for others
  • I’m privileged to be here. On this trip, to be as lucky as I’ve been in terms of getting life right. I’m lucky that I’m doing good.
  • I’m good at controlling my body language
  • There is an American mentality. Nationality makes a difference in how you think because your always surrounded by similar minds. It’s only realized when you travel out of the country
  • I’m awkward. As fuck. Most of the time in large gatherings
  • My biases are strong.
  • I have my mom’s sas
  • I’m open to my feelings. I’m an open person. Thats what redemies me. No, this is a big point. Being open redemies me in social situations where I fall short. My confidence is restored when I’m open about where I fall short. I’d look like a little bitch if I shrank and hid.
  • People always want something if they are talking to you. Always. It takes energy to talk and people are biological wierd to not waste energy
  • People are loyal. Friends can be extremely loyal and helpful.
  • I play hard to get
  • Friends talk and share things thay they want. They share their desires
  • I’m a reporter
  • I’m good at looking like a don’t care when I do. A strength, I call it. I’m tough, I say.
  • I sense the goals changing in each person. Everyone is fluctuating with desired that they just act out
  • I’m getting behind the source code. We are all fucking apes. We are all connected.
  • I can break down our apperences moment to moment. It’s like a transition blimp to blimp but there is time inbetween blimps. We are programed to disregard the blimps but if you look we can see the transitions
  • Humility is good. Keep it up. It’s the most rewarding thing.
  • Im awkward in large groups. I’m good one on one
  • I’m good at looking at things then figuring out why it was designed the way it is
  • Jordan Peterson is my idol. I do think like him. I think like him. I look up to him. That is why I cross my legs. I get a subliminal quick thought of him whenever I cross me feet. And I take on that persona of Jordan.
  • All of our reactions are based on people we idolize. We are a conglomerate of people we want to be. Take 5 people you idealize and that is the person you are
  • I’m good at distracting myself. I’m good at escaping and painting a better picture of reality in my head. I’m making my own story in front of me to cop with my insecurities. I’m not confident I just change how I precieve reality so I don’t show an outward reaction. I should be reacting right now but I am not
  • I’m got at reacting at good moments so they can’t figure me out. I’m not predictable. And people like creating their own story. Let them think.
  • I’m insecure around pretty women. In this moment a guy’s comfort sounds good just to touch someone. I don’t like men but I’m comfortable around them. I like how I feel around them. I’m the most myself. I can be myself around pretty women too but only after I get use to them
  • I want to touch a girl but I’m awkward
  • Being around a camp fire is primal
  • Being honest may hurt my chances of getting a girl. Finding a mate. Be careful what you disclouse
  • I’m good at drawing people in by mirroring them. But I’m not good at initiating something after the mirroring. I expect them to initiate first
  • I am submissive. “I am patient” I tell myself
  • Beer is universal. People like altered states
    People want to let loose
  • Old people want sex
  • The only way to true trust is with sex. Your opposite sex or same sex. There is literally no greater intamacy and vulnerability in this world
  • I have highs and lows on the regular basis. More than I think
  • Girls are good at planing you. They know the game. Boys ban together! God that was gay
  • The US and every place I’ve been is the same
  • Feeling like you don’t fit in is a sign you want to fit in. You care about the people you are around. It’s been a while since I felt like this. I want to fit it
  • Your eyes reveal what you care about. Looking means you care
  • Reality is what I think it is